So What Do You Think Of My Elephant? (A Post About Acting And A Little Bit Of Other Stuff)

And be honest about the elephant.

So, all day Al and I have been practicing our monologues over and over again all day for the auditions for the play that we're doing for our newest, homeschooler drama class. Usually, I don't mind rehearsing, but the book I'm reading is really good. The play (not the book) is Gettysburg: Brothers At War. Never heard of it? There's a reason for that. It SUCKS. Lately I have become less interested in musical theater than a year or two ago, but this play is just BAD. Even the drama teachers know it. We all know it. I have my suspicions that this was never actually a play, that no self respecting actor would breathe near this thing, and that they just made it up as some cruel, evil joke that only drama teachers get.

But, yeah, our monologues. Mine is about a girl who's reading her book report but didn't finish the book because it was "so scary", but it's a Goosebumps book. I've never read a Goosebumps book in my entire life, but I remember one of my old friends telling me about them in the second or third grade. So I think my character is just a wimp.

Al's is about a girl who's asking her mom how she looks and goes on and on about how beautiful she wants to look and how she wants guys attention without giving them the wrong idea. Yes, she is ten. She managed to make it pretty cute and funny, even though it's (thank God!) the opposite of her.

(Runs to the bathroom with remarkable speed. Sits back down with a sigh of relief.)

We also have to do a song. I didn't want to do a song. When filling out the application for the drama class, do you know what I put for the "Do you sing?" question? I do. I remember very specifically putting, and I quote, "No, no, no." But, if you want a good part, you have to sing. So, for this play I am singing. For the audition I'm singing Vampire Weekend's "Bryn", and Al's doing Avril Lavinge's "Keep Holding On". Mom says that I'm not that bad, and I made her swear a little while ago to never tell me that I don't suck at something that I really do suck at, so I guess it's not just mom-talk.

So wish me luck for my audition tomorrow. If it's one of those kinds of auditions where we have to audition in front of everybody, I swear I will call one of my old drama teachers (who constantly said how humiliating he thought that method of auditioning was) and have him talk to my current drama teachers.

Oh, and OK, here's something I feel the need to bring up. A few drama classes back, one of our exercises was to give and receive compliments from somebody for a minute straight. I have absolutely no idea why we did this. Our drama teacher did not give a reason, she just told us to do it. I came up with a few things, the common, "I like your shirt." and something a little more odd like, "I like your buttons." and finally my favorite, "You don't smell bad." I don't know, I just didn't get it.

Sometimes, I think that maybe this class is a bit too young for me. I don't mean to sound arrogant and egotistic, but it's more of a beginners class and I'm one of the most experienced people(it's even possible that I'm the most experienced) in there. But it's fun, I'm acting, and that's all that matters right? I just wish it was a more comedic play than a play about the Civil War.

Wow. It actually exists! I Googled it and it came up to an Amazon page where you can buy the playbook. I am in shock.

But, you know, drama class isn't the only thing I've been doing. Skizz's 14th birthday party is on Friday, my young adult book blog is doing great, Al and Mom have taken the plunge and gone vegan, I seem to be getting more agitated with my siblings than I used to, I still do just about everything...except blog here. But I refuse to give an excuse. They're getting old.

Oh, and a reminder that tomorrow is Veteran's Day. And that Friday is To Write Love On Her Arms Day. If you don't know what that is, long story short, it's a foundation that helps fight depression and suicide. So, write "Love" on your arms Friday and help the cause. (For more information, try Google.)

Anyways, I have bored you long enough. And, as I said, the book I'm reading is really good. And Boy-Boy's bugging me to try and find a website that's most likely nonexistent.

I really need to stop cracking my knuckles. If you see me do it yell at me or something.

So, seriously, yay or nay on the elephant?
(I've been forgetting my signature the past few times...weird....)

Wow, This Is Random

I don't have anything more to add at the moment....

I have no idea why I am posting this. Maybe it's because the clock just chimed 2 and I'm getting slightly slap-happy. Or maybe I feel as though I'm obligated to say something at the moment. Or maybe I just felt like it, so stop questioning my motives, darn you.

Saturday we saw Metallica in concert. Long story short, it was AMAZING. I'll definitely be posting more about it (because believe me; there is loads to tell- from fire and flames to same-sex kissing and barfing) but I still haven't finished the post about the All Time Low concert. I fail.

There's another thing, I've been saying FAIL constantly. Blame Skizz for that one, she started it. Anytime anyone drops something, I am close behind saying, "Fail." Or if Al's soccer team gets a goal scored on them I'll whisper a, "Fail." Anything that is, well, a failure, I now feel the need to announce it by saying, "Fail." And, the sad part is that I know it's getting old...I just don't know if I can stop. It's addicting. I've even got my mom announcing fails now. Dad, too, I think.

It seems like Fall has been skipped, because right now it's SO cold. Maybe I'm just cold right now because I've lost my left sock somewhere around here, and I don't want to wake up Boy-Boy or Al or Mom looking for it. (They're all sleeping on the couch.) It sucks because it was one of those fuzzy socks that keeps your feet really warm in desperate times of need exactly like this. But I thought I heard that it was supposed to be normal Fall weather here soon, so I won't have to wear 5 layers and super soft socks like I am right now. No joke. 4 shirts, one Queen hoodie.

Oh, and that vampire book I was writing? Gone. For now, at least. I got a new, more original idea for a paranormal/fantasy type book that I'm about to start writing. And I even cleared off a little section of desk to put my typing laptop on because this time, it is getting written. And I think I will be better about keeping up with it if I don't have to sit on my bed, hunched over, with my laptop on my lap. It hurt. But, anyways, I'll go back to the vampire book eventually, but it will definitely have major plot changes since a lot of plot went into the new one.

On Facebook, have you ever looked at some of the things that people comment on, like statuses for things that you're a "fan" of? Man, some people are idiots.

Oh, and Maddie has decided that I am no longer worth her time! She asked Jalice, "What's up with Jessica?" Yes. She asked what was up with me. Mrs. Mullet asked what was up with me. This makes me feel truly accomplished in the art of weirdness. But, anyways, Jalice answered, "She's got a speech disorder," or something along those lines. (See why we're such good friends?) Maddie responded with a, "Oh. That answers a lot." And she hasn't really spoken or acknowledged me since; she didn't even ask me to be her friend on Facebook! I am very pleased.

Oh, and I am going as a banana for Halloween.

And it is now 2:33. Bed is calling-no, shouting my name.

So. Cold.

Friday Fill-Ins 4

It's close enough to Friday.

1. I have a history of very randomly shouting out "I HATE MY RETAINER!!" to people.

2. How to play the drums is something I wish I knew how to do.

3. I'm eating (or recently ate) "Extreme Cookies and Creme" ice cream.

4. My legs often feel cramped and restless due to my inability to stretch my legs out on the dashboard in the back seat on the road.

5. So that's it, that's the way that it's going to be, body limbs? Fine, get cold on me, just know that one day I will have my sweet revenge.

6. Nothing is in no way better than nothing!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to Boy-Boy's crying coming to an end and melting my brain as I watch television, tomorrow my plans include going to the beach for an All-American-Rejects, Fall Out Boy, and Blink-182 concert (HUZZAH! ((Yeah, huzzah is my new catchphrase. I doubt it's going away anytime soon, either) and Sunday, I want to ride a 5 person bike with the family, and hopefully make it back to the house in time to watch some football!

Oh, I'm also hoping to watch a new and very much improved from last week's SNL.

I'm FREE!

HUZZAH!

Yesterday, I walked- well, it was somewhere between a walk and a very awkward skip- into the orthodontist's office. Normally, I'd have my hood up, hunch my shoulders over and cause unhappiness to overwhelm the other clients that come within fifty feet of me. So, what was different about yesterday's appointment?

They were taking off the instruments of torture, you may know them as braces.

He pinched off the brackets and cleaned off the cement. (A: There was cement in my mouth? B: It hurt rather badly.) Then I had to take an X-Ray for unknown reasons to me, although I'm assuming that they're at least semi-medical. The chick who took the X-Ray said it wouldn't hit me in the face, but when it started to spin I wanted to yell that she was a LIAR, but I didn't (although it would've put the cherry on top of the appointment).

Then, before I knew it, they were off. I kept rubbing my tongue, and my fingers over my naked teeth. When they showed me the mirror, I kind of expected for there to be a dark, urine-like yellow around where my brackets used to be, and a bright, bleach-like white where the brackets used to be. This was a story that Mom told me about a girl she knew in high-school. Apparently said horror story fueled the brushing that gave me decent colored teeth, because they really weren't that bad at all.

I keep having to give people my "teeth smile" which is basically where I make my mouth as wide as possible and bite down. It's very horror movie-ish. And I am still rubbing them as I type this (with my tongue obviously).

I get my retainer Monday. Fail.

I'm Risque!

Avert your eyes!

Apparently, you're all reading a PG-13 rated blog. It's this thing I did that rates your blog, and when I typed it my URL this is what came up (If you want to see what yours is rated, click the picture.):

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• crap (5x)
• crappy (2x)
• drugs (1x)

I guess they haven't seen this "letter" to Dad...or I guess they have...that's probably why it's PG-13 in the first place....But I counted 8 just in that one post! These people obviously suck at math.

I'm really going to try and post more...no, really. Stop laughing. I'm being serious. I'm really gonna post more. I've gotten threats that there will be nasty comments if I don't, so, what choice do I have? (Maybe that's what I meant when I said that people would maim me with giant desk tools....)

So, in your face Dad. There's your post. Expect more.

(Pay less. Hehe, I made a Target joke.)

5 Facts About My Life Right Now

Because lists are just awesome. Period.

1. I have not blogger here since...July 17! Crazy stuff. I don't have any excuses, so feel free to maim me with your giant scissors, sharpies, and other desk tools. (Yes, you just got a glimpse into my death scenario fantasies. Now, wipe your feet on the rug, or you'll get a glimpse of my murder scenario fantasies.)

2. I have vowed to myself to blog here more, but I'm not gonna promise or anything, 'cause if I break said promise, I will be literally maimed by a certain father and a certain aunt. (You probably know who you are.)

3. I have been really into analyzing life these days. Thinking of brainwash, mainstream, and other...stuff. I'm gonna start learning about government soon; be afraid.

4. I am unable to form words at the moment.

5. Um...I'm writing a book. Yep. I got up to chapter 5, then realized that everything except for the prologue sucked. So I need to do a rewrite. Yay, sarcasmo!

Yeah.

So, in conclusion: I cannot type words, the book that I'm writing is-so far-crap, I'm analyzing life, and I'll be blogging here more.

Oh, and apparently people actually own verbal giant desk tools. Who knew?

Camping

The bane of my existence; we meet again.

(By the way, I've been told to "Be nice." while writing this post.)

So, this past weekend I went camping with the family and Batman and her kids. The last time we went camping I did not enjoy it. But, this time it's at the beach. A beach vacation, right? (Wrong.)

The days were nice. I had a lot of fun swimming at the beach and pool, chilling with my book when I got the chance, shopping (which was for groceries). All that stuff was great! But...then the nights came. *Looks off into space dramatically as the overly-dramatic music plays.* The nights were boring. Which made me bored. And it got dark way earlier then I'm used to going to bed. The first night was alright. The second day though, at around dinner time, it started to thunderstorm. That freaked out Boy-Boy and us three chil'ens had to sit in the car to wait it out, bored out of our minds. Then, we realize that everything in my and Al's tent got soaked. So we had to go dry everything in dryers, at 10 P.M.. Then go to sleep in the car, where you wake up all sweaty and in dire need of a shower.

It doesn't sound as bad as it was, and it wasn't terrible, but it was also a bunch of little things. The fact that anytime I needed something I had to crouch in my tiny tent (all 5"10-ish of me), Mom and Dad snipping at each other, the rain...the RAIN.

We're gonna try camping again, with a new mindset: camping isn't vacation, it is work.

Needless to day, I wasn't a very happy camper.

Every Little Bit Helps

Today went by really fast. That's probably because I got out of bed at 11:30, but that's completely beside the point.

So it's been, how long since we last dropped off the recyclables mom? 2, maybe 3 months? More? My my, aren't we a little flaky. But, oh well. There were a TON of recyclables that had to be taken out, so many that we had to take 2 trips to the dump (which is one of the very few places that is actually close to our house). The first trip we took more, but I would say it was uneventful. Boy-Boy and Al took the glass, 'cause they like to break it when they throw it in, and Mom and I took everything else. The second trip was...eventful. While everyone else was putting the recyclables in the car, Mom had me on trash duty, where I take the trash out of all of the bathrooms. Let me tell people who have never done that what it's like: not fun. Trash smells like, what I imagine, death smells like. The worst kind of trash, though, is bathroom trash. Not only does it smell like death, but it also has toilet paper, and face washing things, and woman products (everyone say it: EWW). So, after accomplishing my smelly task, I come in the garage, and shortly after that Al starts freaking out that there are giant ants on the buckets full of plastic. So Mom started freaking out right along with her, and yelled at me to get the vacuum. Then she started vacuuming the giant ants, and putting what was infected with Godzilla-ants in trash bags. I watched. I find that in those type of situations, unless I'm asked to do something, I just get in the way. Then everything went smoothly, luckily.

So, yeah.

Craziness and Crap Like That

Rada.

This past week has been...stressful, I guess is the right word. Mom's back has been killing her, so when Dad isn't here, I'm the leader of the house. I don't mind it, it's just...different, I guess. And then yesterday Mom and I got into an argument, which was, here's the word again...stressful. Luckily we're fine now. And it's just been a...crappy week for all of us. Yes, that's the perfect word. Crappy. Mom's getting some muscle relaxers so hopefully everything will be back to normal soon.

I've also started Weight Watchers. Whoop-dee-frickin'-do, right? I've lost about eight pounds, so I guess it's really working. But, this diet has shone a bright light upon me, giving me a deep epiphany: I LOVE food. Before the diet, I could think about a food and just want it, but now when I think about food that I shouldn't be eating my mouth literally waters. I can do it on command. I'm pretty sure it's a superpower.

Well, let's see, what else have I been doing.... Um, I started writing a book. Guess what it's about? No, not politics, vampires and their hunters. Why the frick would I be writing a book about politics? That was a really stupid answer, I'm ashamed of you! Anyways, I think it's pretty funny when my mom walks around telling everyone that her daughter's writing a book, and how the prologue is great. I'm like 4 pages into, so at this rate I should be publishing by tomorrow. Sarcasmo.

Isn't my life intriguing?

Oh...Yeah.

Happy Belated Birthday!

I was just think about blogging, and how I haven't blogged in awhile, and what I should blog about and then I remembered that my blog's been around for a year (over a year now) as of May 12th! Yay! I just haven't thought of good things to blog about. Nothing sounds good in my head, which is bad because if it's not good there...then it really sucks. So the 2 readers that I may or may not have need to suck it up and DEAL. Besides, I really don't have much going on...except for looking forward to concerts, since I get to go to 4 this year (not including one that I've already been too).

Told you I had nothing to write about.

May

I'm still pondering about what happened to March.

May has probably been, and shall continue to be, one of the busiest months of my life. This past Saturday was Relay for Life. I had to stay up from 9:30 am to 7:30 am. That sucked...Relay, I mean. It frickin' rained on my parade...literally it rained. For awhile we thought (hoped) it would be canceled since we weren't doing any fundraisers, but it didn't get canceled. It was wet. Water tends to be that way. I also spilled hot chocolate on myself. There were a couple of dudes dressed like chicks (for a fundraiser). And I was tired. But who's whining? It was for a good cause. I didn't sleep well.

Then after a long day of sleep, we left on Monday to go to Great Wolf Lodge. It was Alli's birthday, so after swimming we had a big party at our hotel room with Skizz's family, and the Girl's Club that I've been with for about...3 years I think. There's a bunch of drama going on with the Girl's Club. What about? Who frickin' knows anymore. I think I finally went to bed at 1 or so. I had to sleep in a kiddie bed even though I was the tallest person staying in our room (which was very unfair). I didn't sleep well.

The next day was the first swimming day. We swam all day. They have this really awesome water slide, but it's like three stories of stairs just to get up to it. And, since I'm terrified of heights (like, can't go down escalator heights) it really sucks. But, everyone (Skizz, Dipstick, Jalice) pretty much made me go on a million times. Luckily there wasn't a line that made you have to stand at the top of the stairs to wait. Then we realized that it was 3:30. So we rushed back to our room to get ready for the home-schooled prom, that I have failed to mention in any blog posts, because I assumed that it would be kinda lame. It doesn't take me 2 hours to get ready but we had to re-pink-ify my streak which took awhile. This is what my prom outfit was:
Sorry about the super-tiny picture. Mom took it with her phone. But yeah, combat boots and all. Everyone who was old enough to go went (Skizz, Dipstick, and the Girl's Club), excluding Jalice. When we got to the prom they gave us these prom queen/king cards that were our numbers for voting. I flipped mine around so that the card was on my back, I didn't wanna be a stupid "prom queen". The whole idea's stupid, in my opinion. Even Maddie was there with her schmullet (she-mullet) and blue dress. She talked to us a little bit. The prom was as non-lame that a prom can be. There was lots of "krumping" and dancing. It ended up being a lot of fun. When I left the prom Mom was outside waiting for me and she yelled "Jessica!" because I asked her to so I could yell back "Mom!" and run to her, but people were in my way. I should've stepped on 'em. I went to bed at 2. I didn't sleep well.

Wednesday was more swimming. And then more. That's all we did, after we packed. Then we got barbecue. Then we went home. Jalice came home with us, and I feel kinda like I'm boring her to death. I didn't sleep well last night.

I'm tired.

Dumb Questions

Because, they lie. There IS such a thing.

(I got this from somebody who found it somewhere.)

Have you ever noticed that even the most intelligent seeming humans are capable of asking extremely stupid questions about homeschooling? Although I'm always too polite to retaliate, the following answers always run through my mind when I hear the following:

Do you parents make you homeschool?

1. Yes, they chain me up in a deep, dank basement and force me to learn independently.

2. Yes, they do. In my heart of hearts I really *want* to spend 6 hours a day in a stuffy classroom filled with stupid people, listening to a rude and irrational teacher rant incessantly.

3. No, I make them homeschool me.

Do you have any friends?

1. Friends? We don't need no stinkin friends!

2. Yes, let me introduce you to my friend Harvey. Say hello Harvey.

3. No, I'm a misanthrope sociopath who would rather die a thousand deaths than be socialized normally.

How do you meet people?

1. I have found that painting myself blue and running through the streets screaming is a very effective way to meet people.

2. I go to a playgroup!

3. Actively seeking out human companionship is illogical.

Do you get graded?

1. I grade myself. I am very proud of myself for maintaining my 4.0 GPA.

2. Grades are determined each semester by a coin toss.

3. Grades? What are those?

How do you know what to do without a teacher telling you?

1. I am omniscient.

2. I visit the library and pick books at random. Those books then become my curriculum for that semester. Last semester, I studies alternative physics, macrame, tomato growing, and the plot flaws in the Star Trek the Next Generation episodes.

3. The little green aliens who live under my desk tell me what to do.

How do you remember to work without a teacher nagging you?

1. I'm a very bossy person, and therefore I get on my nerves all the time by nagging myself to do homework.

2. Why would I need to be nagged? I love doing algebra homework!

3. I bribe myself. Whenever I finish a homework assignment, I give myself a dollar or a candybar.

Is homeschooling legal?

1. No. In fact, you could even be arrested for aiding and abetting a criminal just by talking to them!

2. Yes. The Government wants as many of us smart-aleck, self-motivated brats out of their high schools as soon as possible.

3. No. We live in a dictatorial police state where being different is punishable by death.

Do you like homeschooling?

1. No, I hate it. I'd rather have a root canal every day.

2. Dude, I love homeschooling. In fact, I love everything! Peace and Love, man.

3. Not particularly. I tolerate homeschooling because the alternative is so horrendous.

Are you going to homeschool your children?

1. With any luck, my offspring will be born on an asteroid colony, where homeschooling is the only viable means of an education.

2. What kids?

3. Certainly! In fact, my children will undergo an accelerated education, so that they will be ready for college by the age of 10.

You must be pretty smart to homeschool huh?

1. Actually, my intelligence level is below normal. I have simply acquired an immense vocabulary through memorization, which often fools humans into believing that I am more intelligent than I actually am.

2. I am a super genius, and my superior intellect allows me to take full advantage of non traditional methods of education.

3. Duh, what? Huh?

Nice, huh?

Lifeguards

You know, those bossy, arrogant dude/dudettes with the whistles?

In just...wow two weeks, we're gonna be on our way to Great Wolf Lodge for the...3rd (?) time. It's an indoor waterpark/hotel so, naturally, there are lifeguards. In my many experiences with pools and waterparks, I've learned that there are 3, and only 3, types of lifeguards.

1. The Alert One. The Alert One has his/her whistle in their mouths, on the edge of their seat eagerly awaiting for the cry of a drowning kid. They are the ones that blow their ear-piercing whistle at you for playfully shoving your friend. The most common in my experience.

2. The Stoner One. The Stoner One you can usually find playing guitar on his life-saving-flotation-thingy...or drums. If you're drowning then they'd probably pull you out...then offer you a joint. The second most common.

3. The I Smell Something Terrible One. The I Smell Something Terrible One has it's whistle in it's mouth, isn't playing it's "guitar", but has a look on it's face that promises you a disturbingly awful smell somewhere around. They kinda creep me out. I've only encountered one of these myself.

Maybe this time, I will discover a new breed of lifeguard.

Dear,

Mom,

Never, ever, ever, ever again shall I help you with anything that has to do with the word dirt, hoeing, and "gardening". Not at out house, and especially not at Batman's. It sucked Mom, really sucked. I didn't whine, or complain, but this isn't whining, or complaining; it's ranting. There's a major difference in the three. You know that you are feeling the exact same way, so HA! And, guess what, there's still gardening tomorrow! UGH. I don't care how delicious the tomatoes are, I still say that I will never, ever, ever, ever do that again. Getting lumps of dirt and throwing them in tires is not my idea of a good day. So, to everyone else, you cannot ever, ever say again that "us home-schoolers are spoiled and don't do anything all day" because I just spent the entire day doing manual labor, getting dirty and tired as crap, and helping with my family's food for the summer so HA to you too! I'm going to go and relax until tomorrow.

Sigh.

How You Know You're Swearing

There's really only one way to know for sure.

I was trying to think about places that you can and can't use swear word-replacements. Apparently, my word, frick, has been being called bad or something like that. So, how should I know what is and isn't appropriate in public places: Spongebob. The way I see it, if Spongebob's said it, it's OK. Spongebob's G, so no one can say anything with out you saying that it's not a bad word. But, it won't work with any other kid shows. Spongebob has the perfect amount of crude humor. So you can say: darn, freakin', tar-tar sauce among many other things that you will have to watch many episodes to find.

Long live the sponge!